A New Strategy for Finding a Husband

I'm always in the market for several things -- good food, a compelling book, and a husband. Admittedly, I've had much better luck with the first two items. Luckily, I have a new idea. I got it while eating some fabulous Korean food - thus reinforcing my longstanding belief that food is a reliable solution to all manner of life's problems. (The last time I got a fortune cookie with romantic prospects was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his parents. The fortune read something like this: "great things are on the verge of happening." My boyfriend's dad got a huge grin on his face, stuck the fortune in his pocket, and said he wanted to keep it as evidence. I'm quite sure his plan was to pull it out at our wedding luncheon. Unfortunately, the relationship ended before the prophesy could be fulfilled.) But don't think this experience dulled my faith in fortune cookies. Oh no, I'm still a believer, especially after last week's fortune.

With great expectation, I carefully removed the little slip of white paper from the cookie. I could hardly believe my eyes. My heart started beating faster than usual when I read the first word: DESTINY. Could it be? After all these years . . . At last, fulfillment of my heart's desire. I continued reading breathlessly. Here is what it said (and I'm quoting verbatim): "Destiny points to a man whistling a happy tune."

Suddenly, it all became crystal clear. I had been blind to the obvious all these years. Not once had I ever specifically sought out a whistler, let alone one enthusiastically belting out a happy tune, his lips pursed and precisely rounded so as to create the purest tone. Whistling nowadays -- especially the happy tune sort -- is becoming a lost art. Think of the character cheerful whistling implies: a carefree, radiant soul who refuses to cave to stress, or boredom, or clogged arteries.

There's just one problem. The only men I'm aware of who habitually whistle are the Seven Dwarfs. And how would I possibly choose which one? I've nixed Grumpy and Dopey for obvious reasons, but all the others seem to have redeeming qualities.

Any recommendations?