Saturday, February 14, 2009

Visualizing the Scriptures


For the past several months, I've been taking notes during my scripture study and focusing on what the Book of Mormon teaches about the Atonement of Christ. This morning, I put my notes into Wordle. This is the word cloud that was generated from the 70 most frequently used words from my text. (Click to see a bigger image. The larger the word, the greater its frequency.) I think it's a rather nice summary.


Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Ministry of Microfilm



I always thought the IRS was the gold standard for bureaucracy, until I was introduced to the Ministry of Microfilm (MoM) and learned that microfilm is 21st century gold standard for document preservation. I came upon this crucial understanding at the dissertation formatting workshop I attended on Friday, which left me quite convinced that although the dissertation formatting office was obviously inspired by the IRS, MoM is indeed the final frontier of red tape. (Only in this case since color is strictly verboten, the tape must not be red. I'll explain in a moment.)

Although I don't actually have any words on paper beyond my dissertation proposal, I figured when the time came for text generation, I might as well have my margins correct. And since the workshop was 90 minutes, I assumed there must be more to it than 1-inch margins on all sides. Ha! What I didn't realize is that the Ministry employs thousands of office elves who fight over rulers and the chance to be the one to discover that a doctoral candidate's 12-point font is not actually 12 point, but 12.2 or something equally shocking. But this is not all. I also learned that any footnotes, subscripts or superscripts must be manually enlarged, and that leader dots must follow your table of contents, and that only one faculty member can be listed as your dissertation director even if you had two. (And did I mention that by the time you buy the special, hand-pressed, watermark paper and pay all the fees, it will cost well over $200 to submit the dissertation for final processing?)

As far as I can tell, however, the most egregious error one could make in dissertation formatting is attempting to insert color into your text. No, no. Dissertations are strictly black and white propositions. If you have a truly compelling reason for a dash of color, you have to fill out a form called "Letter of Exception for the Submission of Color Images." This important document has to be signed by approximately 63 people, including Joe Biden, Joe the Plumber, the Prime Minister of Zimbabwe, and the associate dean of your respective college.

Why all these rules? (And trust me, dear reader; I have mentioned only a small fraction of them.) Because microfilm is the 21st century gold standard for document preservation! As the graduate school dean astutely explained, "When Microsoft has ceased to exist, someone will still be able to read your dissertation on microfilm just by holding it up to a candle."

I'm pretty sure that these sacred microfilms are stored in an underground vault somewhere near Roswell, New Mexico where they are kept safe from flood, fire, alien invasion, or nuclear holocaust. What sweet comfort it will bring in time of affliction to know that although the world as we know it may cease to exist, my dissertation - my magnum opus -- will remain intact as a legacy to the never-ending pursuit of knowledge.

Thanks, MoM!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Pink Coats in a Strange Land



Scene 1:

No one bothered to tell me that virtually no one in Moscow was wearing hot pink in the winter of 1992. Coats were mostly black, grey, navy blue, or brown in just barely post-Soviet Russia. I, however, was a young, idealistic, clueless American with a fuschia coat – fuschia lined with green and purple plaid, no less. And every time I hopped aboard a bus, heads turned and usually, people smiled. They immediately knew I was a foreigner. Occasionally, a brave soul would say something to me and in those cases, it usually came out that I was an American.

“Oh!” the person would exclaim in delight, “you’re from America? Have you been to New York?”

Then they’d want to know what I was doing in Moscow, what I thought of the city, and they'd recommend an interesting place for me to visit or some Russian cuisine to taste. Sometimes, they’d apologize for unfriendly people or the lackluster conditions of their country. Often, they’d ask if I needed help getting somewhere. Typically, they’d compliment me on my Russian, acting honored and impressed that I’d even tackle their formidable language.

Scene 2:

The other day, I was on a bus in Michigan riding home from campus. A young man wearing a bright pink coat boarded the bus. When our eyes met, he brandished a most contagious smile. It was M, a former student of mine from the Refugee Center. He is a refugee from Burma, a country plagued by a ruthless military dictatorship, a recent spate of devastating natural disasters, and impossible economic conditions. Each week, he’d come to my class with his buddies. They were refugees, too – several of them were the only survivors in their family. Everyone else was dead. If they were lucky, they worked menial jobs in Lansing, cleaning hotel rooms, washing dishes, or sewing uniforms at a factory. Now that they were in America, they knew that learning English was the key to their future. With English, they could attend school, get a better job, make friends, understand television shows, and read the newspapers.

I’ll never forget the week when the weather turned cold. It wasn’t that cold yet, but still my Burmese students showed up in the most wonderful array of winter coats. To their Southeastern Asian sensibilities, it was plenty cold. My guess is that they picked out their coats from a pile of donated winter wear. I had seen this once. The director of the Refugee Center had announced a new arrival of donated clothing. Behold: a random assortment of clothes strewn in the hallway, some items in boxes, others simply tossed on the floor. Humbly and gratefully, some of them a bit embarrassed, my students selected items that might be worn by themselves or friends or family. I imagined a similar pile of coats. I don’t know if M chose the pink coat because he liked it or if it was the only one remaining. I wonder if he knew that most young men in Lansing wouldn’t be caught dead in a fuschia coat. I wonder if he cared. After all, it did the job.

M and I exchanged a brief greeting as he made his way to the back of the bus. The bus wasn’t full, but that was where his friends were sitting. I listened to them cheerfully chattering in Burmese.

I waved to M as I got off the bus. Again, he smiled broadly.

I wondered. Do people here express interest in M? Do they care what he thinks of our country? Do they apologize for unfriendly people? Are they impressed and honored that he is trying to learn English? Do they know or care where Burma is? Can they even begin to imagine what it would be like to be the only living soul in your family?

Do they wonder who’s inside that hot pink coat?