Palmrya - Part 1

I just returned from a fabulous 1700 mile road trip with Teresa and Janene. We laid eyes on four of the five Great Lakes (all but Lake Superior), discovered the glories of life on an island where cars are prohibited (Mackinac Island), visited important church history sites (Kirtland and Palmyra), spent the night in a haunted inn, got robbed at Niagara Falls, and spotted numerous species of birds and reptiles along the way (the fringe benefit of traveling with a bonafide zoologist). Today's post, however, highlights our adventure in Palmyra.

Palmyra is a small town in upstate New York near Rochester. I'm pretty sure the place is of little consequence to anyone except for local residents and the Mormons who flock there in droves to check out the birthplace of their faith. And so, it should not have been a big surprise to learn that we were staying in a hotel apparently modeled after a stake center (a Mormon meetinghouse). The big difference is the price -- attending church is free. There were beds instead of chairs in the classrooms, I mean guest rooms, but otherwise the resemblances were striking. We desperately wanted to put signs on the doors to designate which Sunday School class was assigned to each room, but we refrained.


Now that we were checked into our rooms, we decided to find some food. After surveying the cashier at the local grocery store, we determined that the pickings were rather slim in Palmyra. "There's a good place 20 miles away, " the cashier guy suggested, shrugging his shoulders. Far too hungry to wait an additional 20 miles, we noticed a nearby restaurant called "The Akropolis." Aside from a gaggle of teenage boys hovering around two cute teenage waitresses, we were the only customers. It was 7:50 and the restaurant closed at 8:00. When I asked if we were too late to eat, the cute, blond waitress assured us enthusiastically, "Oh no! You can stay as long as you want. Don't you worry. I'm here for you!" Escorting us to our table, she added, "You don't mind if we vacuum the other side, do you?"

The menu was a bit daunting -- this place offered approximately 700 options, everything from pancakes to a "messy plate." (If I recall correctly, the dish consisted of hot dogs smothered in tomato sauce served over a pile of macaroni and cheese and french fries.) Oh yes, and a small Greek collection -- we were at The Akropolis after all! We each ordered something Gyro-ish and amused ourselves with the laminated trivia book on the table. Our two favorite questions came from the "religion and mythology" section. "What sculpted bird sits atop the Mormon temple in Salt Lake City -- and why?" and "What day of the week is the Sabbath for Muslins?" Considering that there is no bird atop the temple and Muslin is a type of fabric, the warning printed on the booklet was appropriate, "Please leave Trivia Book on table. Booklet monitored for theft."

We were still giggling over the trivia, when our bubbly waitress brought us our food -- a giant pile of iceberg lettuce with a few olives and jalapenos adorned with three strips of meatlike something or other. Meanwhile, a woman (apparently the owner) strides in and begins barking orders (in a friendly barking sort of way). Mid-sentence, she noticed us. "I didn't know there were customers in here!" A few minutes later, the chef (another teenage boy) bursts out of the kitchen, a string of profanity rolling off his tongue. Our waitress promptly shuts him up. "There are customers in here!" she shouts in a whisper and rushes to apologize to our table. "I'm SO sorry. That guy is such a jerk." We stifled our laughter by pondering the meaning of the pink carpet and the possible ingredients in the meatlike material atop our salads.

Thoroughly amused, we tipped our waitress generously and made our exit. As an encore, someone had posted this flyer near the door.



And on the way back to our hotel, we saw a sign of similar charm attached to a telephone pole.



What can we say? We love Palmyra -- where else but small town America affords you the full entertainment value of a sitcom without ever having to turn on the television!