As a single woman nearing 40, I have generally accepted my marital status – or lack thereof. Quite frankly, these days I don’t spend that much time worrying about it. Like everyone, I experience seasons of self-doubt, disenchantment, disappointment, or despair. But overall, I am sincerely happy and at peace. All the same, Mother’s Day wins a slot on my list of “Top Five Things Most Likely to Rip a Hole in My Personal Security Blanket.”
It’s not that I’m opposed to Mother’s Day; on the contrary, I’m all in favor of celebrating mothers and motherhood. It’s just that nothing seems to scream “You are NOT a mother!” more loudly than walking into church on Mother’s Day. It’s the feeling you get when you inadvertently set off the bomb detector in the security line at the airport and all eyes are immediately riveted suspiciously on you. I realize that in reality, nobody in the chapel is actually paying any attention to me, notwithstanding the neon sign over my head emblazoned with the epigraph, “single and childless.” But still, this is how it feels every year, even when I’m on my best behavior and have sincerely and prayerfully tried to look outward and upward on Mother’s Day.
More awkward than walking into the chapel, however, is walking out of the chapel when the meeting ends and the Mother’s Day gifts are distributed. Lately, I’ve tried to sneak out early before this ritual begins. But invariably, some kind soul will notice that I’m not carrying a plant or wearing a candy necklace and will seek to rectify the oversight. But chocolate and flowers – as lovely as they are – make for poor consolation prizes in this case.
I know. You don’t have to have children to be a mother.
I know. God operates on His own timetable and He’s not in the business of forever withholding blessings.
I know. Mother’s Day can be painful for women of all walks and circumstances, including those who have children.
I know. Members of the congregation are only sincerely trying to show love to all the women on Mother’s Day.
And quite frankly, I really wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s good to have a day set aside to honor our own mothers and the mothers around us. All women, with or without children, ought to be a part of the celebration.
And so, this Sunday, I’ll try again to be filled with a spirit of gratitude and unselfishness. I shall attempt to rally all the self-assurance I can muster. Perhaps I’ll even come to church with a red wagon full of potted plants and a magnificent corsage on each wrist.
Regardless, I fully intend to have chocolate for breakfast.
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8 comments:
Or. We could just go to Mexico and skip out on the ritual. I'm for that. And, hey, we have the same blog background. How cool is that?
My husband hates all holidays where people are "mandated" or "required" to show love and appreciation to others (i.e. Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, etc.) He thinks it is all a hoax and that people should be expressing love and appreciation always and not just on one set day a year. I think he may be more correct than I want to believe. Also, I think he doesn't like to buy presents. =)
I remember the feeling oh so well! Too well! It's funny, cause on my first official mother's day, I was expecting to feel really special that I was a mother.....indeed I did, but my focus had changed, I thought more and still do think more about honoring my own mother and not so much about that fact that I finally am one. It's funny how different phases bring different feelings. I know you know all the blah blah blah. Let's pretend that this Sunday is honor all the women who want to be mothers day. Does that count? Or better yet, how about Anny day! yippeee for Anny! hey that rhymes. Just playing around and really just wanted to say hi and somehow acknowledge the difficulty of this Sunday. It stinks. One more day to make it through. You are loved!
I remember feeling like that, and since the youth in my ward make the mother's day gifts and I was YW pres, I had to make the corsages, bring them to church, and have everyone try to make sure I got one so I didn't feel bad about being single and childless . . . I think Mexico might be the best idea here :)
Well put Anny and I agree. It's been 6 years since I didn't officially have the title "Mother," but I remember the feelings you described well. Somehow when you are married and don't have any children, people seem to point out your "childless" status even more. Maybe we should all just celebrate International Women's Day on March 8 and call it good:)
Beautifully written, Anny- this deserves a wider audience! I don't like the tradition of handing things out at church either-- it always seems awkward and insincere to me, not to mention all the scope for hurt feelings. Anyway, I think chocolate for breakfast is always a good idea- and I think you should spend the whole weekend indulging yourself in whatever you enjoy most- just wish I were there to join you! xoxo
Anny,
I think we have a date for Mother's Day 2010. I will be by your side! Always have...always will. Love your lots! Marie
Anny, so you know I didn't go to church on mother's day because I don't think it is right to be giving things to the mothers. I don't know who started the rituals of giving things at church, but I do not agree with it.
I love you and you are going to get the biggest and greatest blessings out there, promise!
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