A Romantic Post for Valentine's Day

Some of my dear readers (all three of you at this point) might understandably wonder if Valentine's Day is a painful holiday for me. Seriously, how could it not be for a nearly-40-year-old-spinster whose main source of entertainment is writing a dissertation? Before you start sending me fruit baskets, yellow roses, and dark chocolate, however, allow me put your mind at rest. Rest assured -- I have had my share of romance, just not my share of weddings. Thus on this auspicious holiday, my mind and heart naturally incline to romantic days of yore and I am, as you will see, well satiated. Lest I bore you, I'll limit this account to my top 5 romantic moments. (And yes, these are all true stories.)

Note: Although this could be interpreted as a sarcastic rant, that is not my intention. I was laughing when I relived these moments and am hoping you will laugh, too (at me or with me, either one is fine).

5. I'm standing at the doorstep of a quaint yellow house where my beau is saying good-night after a lovely evening of dinner and dancing. He gets an awkward look on his face. My heart starts pounding as I sense the inevitable. "May I kiss you?" he asks. Thoroughly discombobulated by the situation, I grant permission. There is one small hitch. In the heat of the moment, I forget my native tongue and respond in Russian. The poor boy gets an even more awkward look on his face and plants an equally awkward smackeroo. The next day to reassure him of my undying affection, I help carry a recently hunted deer carcass into his grandma's house.

4. At BYU, my roommate happens to be one of the most desired co-eds on campus. One Friday night, a guy who is madly in love with her calls to ask her out on a date. Naturally, she already has a date and suggests that I might be available. When she hands the phone to me, he says, "Since (name of roommate) is busy, would you like to go out with me tonight?" I agree and we spend a wonderful evening making a cemetery out of snow (a row of "marble" headstones) in our yard. When we finish the graveyard, we carve a giant pumpkin to look like my roommate - the object of his true affection.

3. At a fancy-schmancy jewelry store, I'm picking out an engagement ring with a tall, debonair gentleman as the salespeople shower us with all kinds of attention and congratulations. After carefully considering a hundred options, I'm beaming as we find the perfect ring . . . for my sister.

2. I'm watching my first ever start-to-finish BYU football game with an attractive, but mysterious blind date. As I chatter away about my ignorance (and general disdain) for football, I ask him if he could possibly explain the rules of this silly sport to me. "As a matter a fact, I can," he says, "I used to be on the team." I spend the rest of the game trying to extract my big foot from my big mouth just before he takes me home on the back his motorcycle.

1. My "friend" and I had been dating seriously for a while and I was getting anxious for him to pop the big question. One night after attending an event of some sort, he suggests that we go to his office because he has a surprise for me. With a giddy smile the size of Texas, he fumbles around in his car for a brown paper sack. "You'll never guess what I have for you," he says. My imagination runs wild as I sit in his office waiting for him to "get a few things ready." "Could this truly be the moment?" I wonder. "When did he manage to buy the ring?" He unplugs the lamp from his office and carries it mysteriously to another room, signaling for me to follow him. This time, I flash him a smile the size of Texas. (I figured he needed the lamp since candles were probably against the fire code.)

We walk into the board room of his office where he invites me to sit down. The suspicious bag is on the table. "Anny," he says, "wait till you see what's in this bag. It's going to change your life." At this point, I'm nearly hyperventilating. "Will I say yes?" I frantically ask myself. Of course I'll say yes. I've been waiting for this moment my entire life.

At this point, he reaches into the bag, gazes into my eyes, and retrieves . . . a joystick. "I bet you haven't played PacMan since grade-school!" he announces triumphantly. We spend the rest of the evening watching our Pac-man guys eat pac-dots and power-pellets. "You're right," I say, "I never in a million years would have guessed."

- - - -

So you see, as the aforementioned evidence reveals, my life has not been lacking in the romance department. Besides, check out this valentine I received in the mail from the cub scouts the other day. Hallmark should definitely get their hands on this design.


xoxo,
A